Skip to main content

Find your happy place. Or Why I Eat Taco Bell When I'm Sad

Today I had Taco Bell. That's the most polite way to say I have diarrhea now. Every time I eat there I feel like absolute shit. It makes me cranky and I just don't want to do anything after that. But still I go on average twice a month. Why? Because in a weird way it's comforting. I know two things when I eat there. 1-I have to be very very comfortable with the person I'm with and 2- it has to be the drive up. Number one is usually because a number two isn't far behind. Number two also is because a number two isn't far behind but also because going there isn't the proudest moment of my day. But again why go if it isn't good for me? There are a few theories. One is that I'm an idiot. Highly probable but I think there's more to this. When I get stressed I eat or spend money. Look at my drawer of wallets or my room of comics and action figures for all the proof you need. 

But above that I think there's a comfort that is present in crap food. The comfort comes from someplace deep inside. Part of me seems to be transformed to being 13 and at the mall. My jeans are baggy and I have a CD player on my hip. The album? Korn follow the leader. Or maybe blink 182 enema of the state. Yea definitely that one. I'm standing in line at Taco Bell. Waiting for my Taco supreme meal to come and wreck my intestines   And in case the tacos don't kill me the giant cup of neon yellow carbonated rocket fuel it comes with will. Mountain Dew how I miss thee. It's probably Saturday and I'm probably going out tonight with my girlfriend to see a movie which means of course make out city population us. The anticipation of going out consumes me and I inhale the tacos and soda get back on my bike and ride off into the sunset ready to watch American pie two and not be able to quote a scene that wasn't in the trailer. 

We cling to things in our minds that make us forget where we are and who we have become. Ever get transported away from reality when you hear an old commercial or song? Ever smell the laundry detergent that Haley uses and are brought to tears at Shop Rite? It's not a pretty sight and it's our brains that do it to us. We collect memories based on how important our mind feels that information will be to us later. If that's the case then my brain must really think that knowing the boss's name (Leon Carosi) on the saved by the bell season where they worked at the beach club (Malibu sands) is going to get me far. But I do. And when I think of saved by the bell it reminds me of Saturday mornings when I was a kid. It reminds me of being in love with Kelly Kapowski. It reminds me of things that get me through my tougher times. I don't dwell or try to relive it. I just remember reflect process and move forward. 

I'm not bragging about playing high school ball fifteen years ago. Because that's lame. But it's ok to remember the time you knocked a shot past the lights while the person you crushed on was watching. Just try not to go all Uncle Rico on us please. Live in the present but don't try to erase your past. It's what made you who you are today. Sometimes we can get a little obsessed with our pasts. That's not healthy. We focus on things we did and miss out on what we could do. And sometimes we get so bogged down by the present we retreat to the past. And then we ruin a perfectly good Thursday night with a trip to Taco Bell. All because we're looking for comfort. Try to find it in actions like going for a walk outside (hell you're probably in the car already) or in spending time with someone you care about. But try not to dwell. Dwelling isn't a party. And if you do it too much you'll probably never be invited to any parties. The key is learning from it. Build on your failures to try and have more success later. Be honest with yourself about how you act and react in situations. Give yourself credit when you deserve it and constructive criticism when it's appropriate. Don't take people you care about for granted. And when you're feeling at your worst do not give in to the temptation to get yourself a nachos-bellgrande with a Baja blast. Trust me, it's not a pretty sight. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do or do not there is no try

When I was a kid I thought I was going to be a doctor. Then I watched the movie Look Who's Talking  saw the scene where Kirstie Alley has her baby and that ended that. I was about six and my mind was very easily changed. From that point on I started to make a lot of choices that I questioned. In kindergarten we had a bear that each of us would take for a week and care for. When the week was over we would give him (the bear was male, I peeked between his legs) something to remember us by like a hand colored picture or a leaf from the yard. The school year went by and I never got my chance to take care of the bear. When June approached and I being fully aware that there wasn't a whole week left asked my teacher, a wonderful man who I think of to this day, why I didn't get a chance his answer was simple: because you get to take him for the entire summer Armand. Now, most kids would see this as a huge opportunity and something to be excited about. I get to watch this bear all ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Find Your Happy Place. Or, Taking Time For You.

"The Best In The World At What I Do." -CM Punk When 2015 became 2016 I made a resolution just like so many others. It wasn't to lose weight or try to stop smoking. I promised myself that I would try something new every month. Not become a yes man with a yes year but rather take one risk or try something that I had always wanted to do. I started out small. Going for a walk in the evenings for January ( yes I know that's stupid to do in winter). Cooking at home in February. Bought a new guitar in march and said I would practice every night like when I was in college and high school. Honestly most of these things have stuck and it feels good to have a new outlook and new stuff to do in my life. The one that really made me feel different was June. That's when I began to paint.  I put this piece together and I haven't been able to stop since. Painting is something I had wanted to try for the longest time (oh oh oh oh for the longest time) but had never...
Post a Comment
Read more

Everybody hurts. Or Don't Hideout in Your Hobbit Hole

The other day I had lunch with a friend of mine. She was talking about how she feels like she's treading water and swimming in circles all at the same time. Her life doesn't feel like it has purpose and she wants to run away from where she is. I listened to her as she told me her issues and concerns and if I'm being honest I feel a lot of the same things she does. I feel like giving up hope just as she told me she does. I have felt like my life was a rich full fucking waster and that what I do is meaningless. But I also realized that most people seem to feel that way. Everybody hurts and that kind of sucks. I prefer to think that it's a select few but the more I talk to others the more I realize that life just kind of sucks all the time and there are random dashes of pleasure sprinkled in between. As wonderful as that all sounds there is a glimmer of hope. Hope that we shouldn't let go of. Hope that we need to cling to but not in the white knuckled kind of way like...
Post a Comment
Read more