My Neurosis

"And to the graduates here today I say DONT GO! Stay home and live at home. It's scary out there. And nobody will take care of you as good as your mother. " -Rodney Dangerfield Driving home this afternoon I noticed all the graduation parties and celebrations going on. It was a sunny mild day in New England so proud families and friends took advantage of the good weather to celebrate the accomplishments of four years of hard work. Seeing all the festivities made me think about my high school graduation and my mindset at the time. Everything is a blank page. It's like being on a road without a map (remember those) and though you might feel apprehensive the excitement overrode it all. Being 18 is more than a crossroads; it's an opportunity to condition yourself. The beauty of hindsight is the chance to relive moments with almost perfect execution and action. My choices after school weren't the best. I made a lot of mistakes that I look back on with a sma...

"Do or do not. There is no try. " -Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back I used to work with a guy who lived his whole life as a bachelor. Never got married. Never had kids. Saved a bunch of money and had a nice house. One day during a Saint Patrick's Day party at our office we got a few Guinness in us and he started to open up to me and gave me some insight into his life.  Now I know what you're thinking I'm going to say: he felt like something huge was missing in his life and he wished that he could go back to that time in his 20's when he decided he didn't want that family stuff. But he didn't say any of that. He said that he is curious how his life would be if he had children and gotten married. He did say that he had always wanted to play baseball with a kid of his own as opposed to his nephews. But he didn't regret it. It was his choice to stay single and not become a father. And he's satisfied with his choice.  I found that refreshi...

"Who are the people in your neighborhood ? In your neighborhood? In your neighborhood? Say who are the people in your neighborhood the people that you meet the people that you greet the people that you see each day?" -Jim Henson Today I felt like I was going nowhere fast. Absolutely nowhere. Sitting in my office sifting through the crap I am always juggling I felt awful. Time was being wasted and my potential was shoved right down the toilet. A friend of mine at work was lamenting his decision not to be a CPA. I thought about my choices and felt AMAZING about them. (Sarcasm). The recurring theme was feeling lost and regret. So many people that I talk to regularly are lost. Its amazing. I feel like I'm alone all the time. What if all the lost people found each other one day? We just got together and talked a little bit and got to know each other. That would be nice. It just occurred to me that I don't know any of my neighbors. I've lived in this house for si...

"Who am I? What is my purpose? What the hell does all of this mean?" -Everyone I have ever spoken to, ever  The universe is big. Yuge as they say. To contemplate it is a gigantic undertaking. Some nights I sit on my front porch and in between slapping mosquitoes and horseflies I think about how insignificant I can seem as compared to the stars. Stars are giant balls of gas burning so bright we can see them from here. Imagine the scope. Imagine how small you feel compared to a ball of gas! Then ask yourself: who cares? My lot in life is to do what I need to do. What I want to do. I'm not in the cosmos. I'm not a star. I'm just me. That's ok too. Being someone or something else would be a colossal undertaking   I have all my practice at being me. My celestial contemplation is a romantic thought but the truth is I have my place. My place is here on Earth and my purpose is always evolving. I'm a friend, a son, a brother and an uncle. I'm an artist a...

"On the road of experience trying to find my own way. Sometimes I wish that I could  fly away...I'm just looking for space and to find out who I am." John Denver  Sometimes I feel optimistic about the world and life and things going on around me. I look at the sky and the sun and the trees and see a glimmer of hope ringing through as if dancing on the wind. Not unlike music in the distance getting stronger as you approach, Hope builds. Walking through the woods to get the ideas I need for my art is how I get back to my center. I long for quiet. Quiet or more appropriately titled silence is the basis of creativity. A blank canvas, a silent music studio: these are where creation is born.  During those times when I look out my window and I see the colors and the sounds of the neighborhood and they sound like scratches on a chalkboard (remember those) that is where the silence and finding my center are essential. Shitty days kick my ass. Not saying that they don...

"You've got to take what you've got when when your life is in knots. You've got to take your shot sometimes you've got to rewrite the plot. " -Kinky Boots  The following is inspired by true events: A friend of mine has just told me about his 907th business venture of the year, a landscaping business, which like the prior 906 will never get started. While speaking with him I realized that he was googling how to start a landscape business. One to never make a scene, I asked him what he planned to do to not get this business off the ground. His answer to the shock of no one was I don't know. That got me thinking about the nature of ideas. It also got me thinking about how much shit goes into formulating one. I'm pretty guilty of having big ideas that go nowhere. I'm always trying to figure out a way to drastically change my career or the way my life is going. I get lost in the minutiae of it all and create a huge wall, a blockage of sor...

"Your generation has an obligation to stand up and fight, resist those things that you see as wrong in the world. Nobody will do it for you. Nobody. " Senator Bernie Sanders  The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about animal captivity. The person who I was speaking to had mentioned that she wanted to bring her daughter to a marine mammal park and asked if I had ever been before. I said that I had and used to be a huge fan of them but my opinion had changed. She asked me why and I was honest with my opinion on the subject. I went into the various reasons and examples that I have gathered over the years, told some stories and by the time I was done talking it had been like 35 minutes. The thing of it, the person remarked how I seemed so passionate about the topic. She said that you could tell it was important to me by how I spoke about it. And it's true. I feel strongly about it and I am absolutely passionate about being anti-captivity.  It g...

"Good things never last, nothing's in the past it always seems to come again. " -Ronnie James Dio The other day I bought a book based on the recommendation of a close friend. The cover was an interesting picture that caught my eye. The title was fairly simple and the description and synopsis sucked me in. Then I read the first five or so pages and it sucked ass. I'm a regular reader. Helps me get to sleep. Keeps me engaged. I learn new words that way and sprinkle them into the blog sometimes. But this book did nothing for me. At all. I wish it had because the cover was wicked cool. But alas to no avail of my own I gave up on it. So what's my point? Glad you asked. Sometimes we are given an opportunity to experience new things. We are presented a chance to branch out of what makes us comfortable and that is a good thing. Trying new stuff gets you to expand your mind and teaches you more than you knew before. The book I tried wasn't bad. It just wasn...