Skip to main content

One Foot In Front Of The Other. Or, I'm Ready For My Closeup Mister DeMille.

"There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other other road, no other way, no day but today. Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love or live your life in fear.  No day but today. "
-Jonathan Larson

I worry about a lot of stuff that I 1-can't control  2- hadn't happened yet and 3-might've happened already. I waste a lot of time and spend a lot of time on things that simply aren't worth it. The quote above is from a show called Rent. My mom took me to see it when it first opened on Broadway . It's the first time in my life that I can recall feeling different than I had before. I love live performances. I love a visual narrative. Broadway presents stories in a way that is optimistic and in the end the weirdo always gets a happy ending. So I can appreciate it. Rent is a show about acceptance and tolerance and people who are in a shit situation. I love the chance for the weirdos to win. I love things being resolved in two hours and a half. I love that life can have a happy ending and it will all be better tomorrow. But it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes you have to make your happiness and make your moments when you have a pile of pieces to work with. The path of life is scattered with the  pieces of broken dreams. 
Sometimes I feel like I am in that same shit situation only my lights aren't turned off and the bills are paid. I am a prisoner of my mind. I think too much and too long about things that aren't really worth my time. Before finishing this blog I was debating what day I should have given notice at work that I had found a new job. I pondered the idea of resigning on Tuesday or Wednesday so long that Tuesday became Wednesday. I have a lot of decisions that I would love to be able to make again. To be able to go back and rewind the video would be great. But you can't so thinking about it is a waste of time. The answer isn't to go back in time. The answer is to keep pushing forward. That's easy to say and hard to do. Taking life one day at a time, putting one foot in front of the other, is key. Don't drink from a firehose my friends. It'll hurt you. The choices of my past and the moments I have experienced have made me who I am. You're inclined to like yourself. Love yourself really. Because if you don't hen who else can? We all waste time. We all worry about the past and think about tomorrow when we should be living for today. That doesn't mean jumping out of a plane and living like it's your last day. That means not wasting time. It's not about being reckless but rather being resourceful. Look at who you are and who you want to be. If you think about it hard enough and take out the extras, remove the personal bias and cognitive dissonance you put on yourself then you might see yourself a little better. Realize you are much closer than you think and more than you think you are. When life hands you a shit sandwich don't eat it; get what you want instead. But don't sit back and live in the past. Be here right now and live no day but today. That's a change that will completely change your life. Be present now. Be aware of what is up now and don't try to anticipate and manipulate the future. It might not come. The only moment you know of is the one you're in now. And every moment is a new choice to make and new moves to take. Regret and stress can kill. Forget them as best you can and seize what's in front of you. The longer I live the more I realize that almost everyone I know is feeling lost and not where they thought they would be. I feel so alone and in reality I am in pretty good company. Almost nobody "has it together", whatever that means, because we all have different definitions of what that looks like. The constant is that the people who live in their failures and faults are doomed to continue failing and faulting. I am sure someone has it all figured out but at this point I am pretty comfortable with myself and my Journey. I see my path and have decided to take it. I am heading for a clear destination and it is clear now. But it will take time. And I'll focus on the steps as they come and not dive in headfirst. 
If things don't work out right away, they will before the curtain comes down. Because this is my Broadway debut. And every night is opening night. 


See you Sunday, matinees are at three. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Are Not Alone or There's Life Outside Your Apartment

If nothing else, life has taught me this: always measure. Trying to eye it will never work the way you want it to. Ever. That's just how it is. Apparently that's why they invented the tape measure in the first place. But what do I know I'm just a kid from Trumbull. I'm no philosophical genius. What I do know is I tried to get a huge couch up a flight if stairs about the size of a drain pipe and made it somehow. But if I had measured  I would have known to take the door off the hinges and saved myself about a half hour of aggravation. When you move into a place you have a clean slate. Your neighbors huddle in their yards staring at this new person they don't get know and try to get a feel for them based on how they move in. The impression I gave off is I do things on my own and that the words fuck and goddamit come out of my mouth a lot. Unapologetically at that. My dad and a friend of mine both helped me move in. I generally am very bad at help. Asking for it, acce...
Post a Comment
Read more

You are not alone, I promise. Or Never Give Up Hope. Ever.

"There will be days when you are defeated by your laces and the looks of people are all condescending....there's more than one way out and if at the end of the day you're at the end of your rope, never give up hope. A new day will follow there's always tomorrow." -Andy Karl You're in bed and it's a new day. What kind of day is it? Perhaps one of: Those days when you're sitting in your room and you see the sun shining brightly, the birds making their "it's spring guys" noises and the kids in your neighborhood outside (remember that) playing on bikes and shooting hoops and it all just annoys the ever loving shit out of you. Those days when you don't have to work but you're still up at the crack of dawn ready to conquer nothing and just embrace the silence of a day when you kind of feel in control but know that there's something around the corner waiting to shit on your head. Those days when you have ten unread texts on ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm Team Jacob. Or, I Judged A Book By Its Cover.

"Good things never last, nothing's in the past it always seems to come again. " -Ronnie James Dio The other day I bought a book based on the recommendation of a close friend. The cover was an interesting picture that caught my eye. The title was fairly simple and the description and synopsis sucked me in. Then I read the first five or so pages and it sucked ass. I'm a regular reader. Helps me get to sleep. Keeps me engaged. I learn new words that way and sprinkle them into the blog sometimes. But this book did nothing for me. At all. I wish it had because the cover was wicked cool. But alas to no avail of my own I gave up on it. So what's my point? Glad you asked. Sometimes we are given an opportunity to experience new things. We are presented a chance to branch out of what makes us comfortable and that is a good thing. Trying new stuff gets you to expand your mind and teaches you more than you knew before. The book I tried wasn't bad. It just wasn...
Post a Comment
Read more