I've always loved hard rock and heavy metal. One of my favorites is Judas Priest. The twin guitar attack of Glenn Tipton and KK Downing is about as bad ass as it gets. But then something happened. Kk retired. And things just aren't the same anymore in my world. While sitting in a bar a few days ago a program (ugh I sound like my grandfather) came on about celebrities who golf. Included in it were childhood heroes of mine Alice Cooper and KK. Seeing that kk was no longer in priest because he'd rather be golfing in California pretty much killed me inside. I (literally) yelled at the television. Why would you want to do that and not tour?! I yelled. The answer now that I'm calm is simple: it's what he wanted to do so mind your own fucking business Armand. By the way it's not 1986 anymore so stop worrying about what Judas fucking Priest is up to anyway. But I do because reasons. It was so upsetting to me to see the price of darkness Alice Cooper teeing off into the pacific. It was even worse to see someone who inspired me to pick up a guitar say very causally that he'd rather rock a ball across a fairway than rock in an arena these days. Talk about a kick in the balls. Once I got my bearings and finished my two Irish car bombs I made my way to the train. While there I started to think about celebrities and how they're really just normal people with a public job. I then started to think about how much stock we put in them as layman. Growing up Ozzy was my hero. And then in 1999 that stupid show came on and turned him into a joke. But what it really did was show you that he's just a dude. A dad. A husband. Not the goddam devil child I oh so wanted him to be when I was young. And let me tell you that show killed me too. Instead of biting the head off a dove or a bat he's falling out of a folding chair while going through the DT's. Sad. So very sad. We are so fast to judge celebrities and what they do. We give them so much credit and feel almost betrayed when they prove to be just regular people who my very close friend once said "drop their pants and shit in a toilet just like everyone else. Even the queen of England shits in a toilet but hers is made of gold and poor people wipe her ass for her". She said this many many times.
And she's right. I think back to when the newer Star Wars movies came out. We rushed into the theater. Skipped school even to see these things . And when they were over we felt let down. Why? Because George Lucas killed our childhood that's why asshole!!!!
Actually it's because we are millennials and identify almost entirely with pop culture and as a result if something isn't as we expected in the ridiculously high expectations we create for ourselves our worlds become scary dark places that we can't navigate kind of like the upside down only Eleven isn't here to kill the Demogorgon for us. (Anyone care for an eggo?)
But I digress.
We put so much into entertainment. Everything (including this post) is filled with references to something from when we were kids. Remember Dane Cook? Yea you liked him because he was 1- handsome and 2- referenced pop culture from the 80's once every other joke or so. When our expectations are not met we lose something of ourselves. And I don't think that's so healthy. Enjoying things is great. Obsessing over them isn't. George Lucas didn't do anything other than try to give us more Star Wars. But we took ownership of it and went too far with the hategasm. And phantom menace was before the real internet hate parade started so there must've been a lot of stifled nonsense we missed. The point is we seem to lose a little bit of ourselves in the unreal expectations we put on people and things we admire and enjoy. Instead of creating we depend on others to do it and when they don't live up to the (ultimately impossible) ideas we have in our minds we rebel. Lucas becomes a childhood murderer. Kk becomes awful because he likes to be outside and play golf. And the only bird Ozzy is biting is a piece of KFC extra crispy.
But that's ok. Because they're people just like us. They have every right to live their lives and do their thing as we do. The problem is us taking this stuff too seriously. I consume therefore I can bitch. Well not exactly. Complaining is more annoying than constructive. Try voting with your dollars and then maybe you'll get better results. Stop consuming and start creating your own thing. Curbing our collective enthusiasm might be a good start to the path of enjoying shit again. Let's make America fun again. Last couple of years I've gone to movies and had as little prejudgment as possible. Guess what happened? I enjoyed shit more. Skull island? Fun. Power rangers? Fun. When I allow myself to just enjoy I seem to enjoy. I'm not focused on what I want to happen and taking in what is actually happening. And I honestly feel better than I did. I give myself back a great gift: the gift of relaxed entertainment. So with that in mind I publicly apologize to you Mr. KK Downing for being so unreasonably mad at you. I hope you enjoy retirement and the Judas Priest boys are still doing their thing and sound great. Your work is missed but you earned this break.
Watch this next drive, it slices hard to the right.
And chipping into the tree line is decidedly not metal.
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