Huge glasses, square jaw, about five feet tall. It also doesn't help that without my beard I look like what the kid from Up would look like at 30. So there he is, wearing a sweater on the first day of August, walking my way. Unannounced meetings always carry with them a sense of anxiety. You don't know if the person has an issue or just a question. The market then wasn't great but not terrible so I was fairly confident that it wasn't a bad meeting. He walked over to my desk and his hearing is at best terrible. As a result, everything he said was in caps and loud. ARMAND HOW IS MY MONEY TODAY??? I answered him in my best non-yell yell. GOOD. GOOD. I NEEDED SOME COPIES OF STATEMENTS COULD YOU GET 'EM FOR ME?? I told him I could and went over to the printer. When I came back, Joe said he wanted to discuss something private with me. I inched over to where he was sitting. I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMEWHERE TO LIVE. I HAVE A HOUSE WITH AN OPEN UPSTAIRS APARTMENT. ITS NOT A BACHELOR PAD OR A FLOP HOUSE. BUT IF YOU'D LIKE TO COME SEE IT I'LL GIVE YOU A FAIR RENT. YOU DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE MUCH GOING ON ANYWAYS. HAVE YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND THESE DAYS??
I politely accepted his offer and neglected to respond to the relationship question. We agreed to meet the next afternoon. Being the neurotic I am, I immediately went to the teller line to ask if i gave off a vibe like I had nothing going on. Apparently I do. Whatever. At the time I was in my early to-mid-twenties, finishing the final lap of my college world tour. I needed something that I could call my own space as living at home was starting to get to me. My parents are very supportive and loving but I need my own area to just be alone sometimes. Less questions about my life would also have been a huge help. Every day was like a sit down interview with a foreign dignitary. "So, how many places did you visit during your time away? How many people did you see? Were they all nice? Do you have another 45 minutes to discuss your day with us?" Growing up, I allowed other people's perceptions and opinions to dictate mine because I lacked the self confidence to stand on my own. This move was the first step I made that was solely my choice and of course I hid my decision from everyone but my brother who miraculously kept his mouth shut (not his best talent yet appreciated nonetheless). The next day I was off solely for this event and went to the house first thing in the morning. Nestled on a quiet street all the way down at the end the house straddled the line between overgrown due to lack of attention and house that if your ball went over the fence you aren't getting it back but even if you did, you may not want it back. The front door had a sign that said : Bell Broken, knock and yell Hey Joe! and I will come open the door. I laughed to myself because there's no fucking way Joe would hear the knocking or the yelling, especially when you can hear his TV through the walls as if it was sitting in front of you on the porch. I called him on the phone so he would open the door. His door opened right away as if he had been sitting there all morning which made me feel a little sad that I waited until after 9 to come by. I imagined him waking up at 5AM putting on his signature outfit of a sweater and brown dress pants you reserve only for trips through Ellis Island or a court appearance to contest a speeding ticket. "HEY ARMAND HOW'RE'YE DOING I HOPE YOU DIDN'T WAIT LONG I PUT THAT SIGN THERE TO KEEP THE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES OUT I CAN'T HEAR A GODDAM THING THEY SAY ANYWAY COME ON IN HERE!"
We started the walk through and he showed all the customary things: Door, room, kitchen, bathroom. "YOU CAN USE THIS AS A BEDROOM BECAUSE IT IS THE WARMEST ROOM IN THE HOUSE BUT YOU DO WHATEVER THE HELL YA WANT ITS YOUR LIFE. OH YOU'LL LOSE SOME WEIGHT WALKING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS TOO SO THAT'S A GOOD THING!"
This place seemed fine to me and I rushed to come up with questions that didn't seem stupid to ask: Oh so this is the kitchen. Nice. I cook things in here right? and Wow, floors and a ceiling excellent. We went to the back window and saw the garage which I had full access to. The only spot that was "Off limits" was the attic because his "SISTER LORRAINE DIED AND LEFT ALL HER CRAP UP THERE AND ITS A MESS". After I agreed to the price and move in date, signed the lease and promised to bring a bank check for the deposit later that day he gave me the updates on the neighborhood. "THAT HOUSE SHES A WIDOW. THAT ONE TOO. WIDOW. THE WHOLE GODDAM NEIGHBORHOOD IS WIDOWS. EXCEPT THAT ONE. THAT'S MARIE. EVERY DAMN DAY I HAVE TO CALL HER AND SAY MARIE YOU LEFT THE PORCH LIGHT ON. SHE MUST BE KEEPING THE GODDAM UNITED ILLUMINATING COMPANY IN BUSINESS ALL HER OWN. I DON'T BOTHER WITH ANYONE BECAUSE I'M ALREADY 88 AND THAT'S OLD YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN? I CANT BE HERE MESSING AROUND WITH EVERY WIDOW ON THE BLOCK."
When Joe talks to me, its like a test from God to see how much resolve I have and how much control I have to not laugh at him. The things he says are insane and hilarious and loud. But he also is insightful. I try to listen to him as often as i can because he, above all else, has experience and insight and gives good advice. He's taught me a lot about life in general and has given me someone who I am able to talk to when things seem too much. He also makes me laugh and doesn't realize he is hilarious. Watching him use the iPhone I got him when he turned 90 was funny. Hearing him say he threw it away when it "stopped working" (battery died and needed to be charged plus he wasn't connected to wifi so it wouldn't connect to the Internet) was both funny but also a little frustrating because well he threw away one of my old iPhones. Your first place says something about you. In my case, it said that I could be independent and when left to my own devices, I could count on myself. The second is that I can't decorate for shit. I am at best awful at it. When walking into my place you see the home of a guy who lives alone. There are random things in random rooms but the basics are covered: Bed in the bedroom, couch in the living room as well as a television, toilet in the bathroom, beer in the fridge. The bottom line is it was my first place and I had no idea what I was doing but I got it going. I made it happen for myself and learned as I went along. A recurrent there's of it has been Joe, who despite now being in his mid nineties has still been a huge part of my life. I regularly spend time with him and I feel like I have benefited from it. He still gives me periodic updates about people I never met doing things I have no idea about as loudly as humanly possible. Its amazing the number of people who he knows for sure are "FULLY COMPLETELY FULL OF BULLSHIT". In the years Ive lived here, he and I have kept tabs on each other. He's made a huge impact in my life and I think will be a big part of this blog going forward. Things go on over here like normal and our lives rumble forward. Block parties and opening the fire hydrants to flood the street in the summer. Kids running around when school is out and bikes lining the sidewalks. In the latest update the people next door moved out and a new family with young kids moved in. There is now a collection of slowly deflating sports balls in my backyard. 🏀🏈🎾
And trust me kids, you don't want them back...
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