"Your generation has an obligation to stand up and fight, resist those things that you see as wrong in the world. Nobody will
do it for you. Nobody. "
Senator Bernie Sanders
The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about animal captivity. The person who I was speaking to had mentioned that she wanted to bring her daughter to a marine mammal park and asked if I had ever been before. I said that I had and used to be a huge fan of them but my opinion had changed. She asked me why and I was honest with my opinion on the subject. I went into the various reasons and examples that I have gathered over the years, told some stories and by the time I was done talking it had been like 35 minutes. The thing of it, the person remarked how I seemed so passionate about the topic. She said that you could tell it was important to me by how I spoke about it. And it's true. I feel strongly about it and I am absolutely passionate about being anti-captivity.
It got me thinking about my life in general. The juxtaposition of feeling trapped by things that I have to talk about and deal with versus the things I want to talk about. I have things that I value: helping others, listening with the intention of listening and not responding, improving my relationships and patience. I have things that I couldn't care less about: material things, popularity, money. Stuck in between is the obligation. I need to care about money because it's what makes it so I can live on my own. It gives me a sort of freedom bred from the obligation. Wrap your head around that one. The issue I run into is balancing. I have a hard time balancing my passions and my obligations. As a result I'm not at all a neurotic mess, I swear. The reality is I need help sometimes. I feel lost and scared and alone sometimes. Am I? Not really. But that's how I feel. I can't always explain it. I'm looking for release. I'm trying to not feel so shitty about myself and what I'm doing. Then I think about the captivity discussion. I think about the passion I have for making it end and want to be that person all the time. Nobody can be. Mother Theresa had bad days when she sat in Calcutta looking at a slum she was serving in and probably said "what am I doing here? ". I'm sure of it. But that was her way of finding balance. She devoted herself to something and gave all of herself to it. I frankly don't. I try to help people as best I can but I am not fully invested in it. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure it's my old friend fear of failure that has something to do with it! I'm looking for my Mother Theresa moment. And that's the problem. I'm looking for it. Anticipating its eventual arrival thereby defeating the purpose and missing the point completely. A life of service and compassion doesn't come without sacrifice. You can't hold the door for the world and get mad when everyone doesn't say thank you. Instead of trying to be that passionate, dedicated person maybe instead just be me. The passion is there; now comes the effort and the bravery.
There's a movement I recently read about called the semi-colon movement. It's predicated on the idea that a semi-colon is used to continue a sentence that you could have ended but chose to extend and continue. I love this idea. The choice to keep going. It's a great idea. It's easy to throw in the towel and accept your lot in life and say well things suck and they always will because reasons. But it doesn't have to be that way. If enough of us tap into that passion, do something instead of pretending to be doing something, then we can make things better. Is that a corny idea? Absolutely. Does it come easily? Not at all. Is it annoying to answer your own questions? Without a doubt. But it's our obligation to ourselves to do all we can for ourselves. Hopefully that includes doing things for others. We have dreams and wishes and needs and wants. We have stuff we want to accomplish and achieve. At the end of the line is what we are passionate about. Find that balance between the person you are and the person you want to be. Don't lose yourself in the process of getting there. Focus on what you're doing and not the people who are trying to derail you. Find that passionate person but be proactive in the pursuit. Use alliteration at any given opportunity because people love when there's a flow. There is more than one type of a cage or cell. I'm in one. I want to get out. I just haven't realized that I have the key already.
But above all, let's agree that keeping a 4,000 pound mammal in a 20,000 gallon tank is cruel even if they look happy in there because guess what, they aren't. Just like some of you might feel trapped by your inability to reach your goal and find your passion and unlock your true freedom.
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