"Do or do not. There is no try. "
-Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
I used to work with a guy who lived his whole life as a bachelor. Never got married. Never had kids. Saved a bunch of money and had a nice house. One day during a Saint Patrick's Day party at our office we got a few Guinness in us and he started to open up to me and gave me some insight into his life.
Now I know what you're thinking I'm going to say: he felt like something huge was missing in his life and he wished that he could go back to that time in his 20's when he decided he didn't want that family stuff. But he didn't say any of that. He said that he is curious how his life would be if he had children and gotten married. He did say that he had always wanted to play baseball with a kid of his own as opposed to his nephews. But he didn't regret it. It was his choice to stay single and not become a father. And he's satisfied with his choice.
I found that refreshing. It made me think about the choices that I've made and the guilt I felt about a few of them, including but not limited to the idea of children, where I live and what I do for a living. Many of the things I've done with my life I've done under the pretense that it's what I ought to do, what I should do. What I'm expected to do. For the longest time I thought that the normal life was best: I would have the house the kids and the job that in may not like but kept me fed and safe and warm. Being honest, chasing all that made me miserable. Being even more honest it made me angry inside. Being the most honest I hated my life as it was and I made people around me worry and unhappy and for that I apologize to you all in a way you can't understand. (If that sensitive resonated with you, then you're one of the people I'm apologizing to. )
Most of all, the talk with him made me see that living my life based on "oughts" instead of "wants" was a huge burden to place on myself. In a previous post I told a story about wanting to be a doctor. The recollection of that memory is grounded in one truth: I want to help people. You can help people in a variety of ways and the way I find most value is through discussion of their issues hence why I am trying to transition into social work. It's also why I write this blog. People think their issues are bigger than them. They feel like they can't get out from under the Shit Cloud of Misery and if they happen to find shelter spray themselves clean with the worry hose. I've been there. It sucks. The feeling you get thinking that you're stricken with a multitude of unique problems and issues is a huge undertaking and too much to handle. It's also bullshit. Everyone has problems. There is always something around the corner that will make your day suck and push you to want to scream. That's why they call it life and not just fun. Imagine the pressure you put on yourself to then surgically evaluate your choices and scrutinize things that have already happened. It's exhausting and unnecessary. It's beating yourself up in the most unproductive way possible. You made your bed and you now should just lay in it for a while but not forever. Instead you can get up and get a new bed. Instead of wallowing in the past try making the first steps to your new future. You have to realize that the perfect lives you see around you, the smiling faces and far out places where your peers live aren't constant. I don't know anyone who hasn't stepped in a pile of dog shit. I don't know anyone who hasn't dropped something they were going to eat when they were wicked hungry. Or even worse, hangry.
What I do know is a lot of people who cling to their past choices like a blanket with small pox on it infecting their minds and making them sick. Life is about moving forward and accepting the choices you made. If you don't like what you did and move forward from it great. If you move forward from it and make a better choice later then you're a winner. Don't let other people's lives be the benchmark for yours. If you want to dance then dance goddamit. If you want to go to Comic Con and can afford it then go. The issue is not to waste time. So many people are waiting for that moment where the lights are all green and someone taps you on the shoulder and says hey it is time for you to do this. Ain't coming. Trust me I waited for that bastard for like 22 years and he never showed. I made a conscious choice that I would do what is right for me and not worry about what family and friends think as much. Guess what happened? They were happy for me because I 1-seem happier and 2- have direction. I'm not a company guy. I don't give a crap about business. I've been in the same industry for like forever and have hated it the entire time.
So now I'm taking the steps to get out. It's for me. Nobody else. And if someone gets me drunk on El Dia De Emancipacion Puerto Rico (March 22) I'll tell you that I'm proud of my choices. I may not like them much in some cases but they made me who I am. And the really tough ones suck. But I like them too. It's all me. I didn't always like me. I shed me for a long time. Because I was a colossal fuck up. Why? Because I compared myself to everyone else. I made my choices based on their choices. And what's right for one may not be right for the other. Again, I can attest to this. When you have a fundamental problem with the financial system and a pro business capitalist society rooted in keeping classes separate and at odds, you probably shouldn't have a job as a financial advisor. But I know better now. And I'm making move making moves making million dollars moves.
It's all about personal honesty. Moreover it's about knowing what is right for you. That can take some time but I think a good indicator is if you're miserable. We get so bogged down in the idea of money being the answer. It's not. Trust me. Having it keeps away a lot of unhappiness. But it doesn't erase the stuff going on in your head and your heart. If it does then you might be a robot. Or Mr Burns. Find what makes you excited (not that, pervert) and pursue it. I'm not saying do it, I'm saying pursue it. I get a little tired of people saying to do it without any real basis for what is being done or the time inherent. The more reasonable thing is to pursue it. You give yourself the expectation that it might work. Or it might not. But it's important to try because without that step you'll get nowhere. If you fail so what? Try again. As long as you don't wallow in self reflective purgatory sitting in the corner and not moving forward then we're good. I hope you find your peace.
So let's alter the quote we began with a little. Do or do not, but at least try. Sorry Yoda.
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