"A relationship is like a shark. It has to keep swimming or it will die. "
-Woody Allen
Couples in movies are always so cool and kind to each other. You never see the kind of stuff in movies walking down fifth avenue. I highly doubt my friend would hold up cue cards telling our mutual friends girlfriend how perfect she is while that same mutual friend is in the other room. Wait that sounds like love, actually. Real Love and relationships are much more complicated and ugly and amazing and scary. It's like being on a roller coaster but you can't get off it unless you leave half of your stuff behind. The decision to share your life with someone else is a big one. You have to build a strong foundation upon which your love can be supported. That foundation is grounded in trust and understanding. For example you understand that one of you will always be the noise checker and big killer. In my parents case that is my dad. Everything else is my mom. In my relationships I wore many hats which is a funny thing to see when out in public. Hey look that man is wearing several hats that's not normal people would say. My favorite hat to wear is definitely the never being the one to start an argument hat. I've been told by multiple people that I am no fun to argue with because I don't argue. Go figure. I've found that accepting not quite guilt but rather the possibility of having done something at some point in time is much easier. I don't remember everything I've ever done but luckily every person I've dated seems to, primarily focused on the stupider things. Calling someone the wrong name not in a moment of anger or stress but rather just a momentary mental flatulent emission? Check. Saying that the person and I quote was acting just like their mother while said mother was in the same car as us? Bingo. Saying I want to stay in because I'm in the mood to make homemade pizza but I don't feel like sharing? On my birthday no less? Been there done that. I never claimed to be the smartest guy. What I have realized is that things can be complicated. Not only that but they also can get dangerous. When you invite someone into your life and choose to live together choices are made. What side of the bed is mine? Should I just get my own small footlocker because the closet seems pretty full? Is this person just going to be here now will they ever leave? Nothing is more beautiful or terrifying than realizing that this person will be there possibly staring at you on a random Thursday night at 3am in February and if they aren't it means you probably did something wrong. Tomorrow morning a request will be made to which you must comply. That request might make sense but it probably won't. You will go to Whole Foods three times in one afternoon each time having purchased no more than two items at most. And when asked why your only correct reply is : because love.
Relationships aren't easy. If they were I would do it ha ha ha oh Armand you noncommittal devil you! But seriously they're hard as shit. You think you know someone but forget something very important: every day you have things about you that change. You've done New shit, you've learned cool stuff. And now you're someone just a tad different. I think about myself in various stages of my life and the differences are pretty staggering. We are in a constant state of learning. That's how we grow. To be successful in a relationship a few things have to happen.
1-you have to learn how to communicate. This can be so fucking hard. Trust me. Everything you say can and will be used against you in their court of life. So get ready to backpedal and talk in circles. Communication is important aside from the obvious because it's how you not only express what you feel but also how you show how much you value what they think and feel. How many times has someone brought up something they're doing and your first impulse is to talk about how you did something similar. They're not talking about you, selfish. They're talking about them. Let them have the story and stop ruining the Fourth of July. It's also important to try not to be accusatory with what you say. Those sentences usually start with the phrase "when you " or "the way you". Try to focus on what people are saying and the situation and not what they do and how it affects you. People get defensive. Or stabby. 2-understand that sex in a bathtub doesn't work. It'll overflow and someone is getting a dead leg. Unavoidable. 3- time spent together is just as important as time spent apart. I can already hear the groans but it's true. You can't be together 24/7. It's not normal. You need to come up for air and have your own time and space. People who are always together are weird anyway. Most times they're the couple nobody likes. You know the ones who coordinate what they wear, have names that are alliterate and decorate their house for c level holidays like Presidents' Day or Columbus Day. Time apart allows you to maintain an independent identity and not create a codependent mess for everyone. Couples are made of two people. Each has a distinct personality and voice. It's very important to keep that dynamic. Don't become a Brangelina. You can have your time together and be a pair but still maintain your own identities. Otherwise you'll end up losing your mind holding cue cards on a doorstep on Christmas Day or holding an iPod over your head blasting a Katy Perry song for someone you chased away. And on screen those things look sweet but in real life, you're a stalker now.
Who still uses an iPod?
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